Laura Rennie

no more break ups

Laura R.Comment
I drove home tonight through a path of fireflies. It was breathtaking. I work out in the boonies, so it's all windy roads and scenic views. There was a fire in me tonight that I couldn't keep inside. I threw my hands up (driving with my knees) and sang at the top of my lungs and gave in to the flood of memories that immediately rushed in with each song that played.
It's weird listening to my old break up songs. I still love screaming out the lyrics, but the anger and frustration in my voice is all a show. What a relief to not have to deal with that anymore! It felt amazing to sing those songs and not be heartbroken.
"Sore Thumb" by The Format and "Over You" by Acceptance were my break up songs for Andy our freshman and part of our sophomore year. We were on and off and wanting to be back on but needing to be off until finally it all fell into place. We said "I love you" through shaking hands and tear stained cheeks and I told Andy that if we got back together I didn't ever want to break up again and there was a silence as the meaning of my words sunk in and he looked into my eyes and I knew, right in that moment, that he never wanted to break up again either.

This is a compilation of song lyrics I made freshman year. Can you feel the teenage angst?

I can't be losing sleep over this, no, I can't
I could still be ruthless if you let me.
but you left me here to count ten thousand questions to the answers
why can't you make up your mind
why don't you, why don't you say that to my face?
do you wanna leave or somethin?
It's thoughts like this that catch my troubled
but your lips when we speak 

are the valleys and peaks of a mountain range on fire.
So let me walk these coals till you believe
I can cut the mustard well enough.
But I won't make you,
I won't make you.
I'm under attack again, my dear,
I'm in the way.
If my mind would just stop racing...
Since then it's been a book you read in reverse,
So you understand less as the pages turn.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
it seems farther than ever before.
If i told you this was killing me,
 would you, would you stop?
'Cause something isn't right here.
How could I be so removed in the background waiting for you?