Our wild adoption story:
Thursday, April 7th: My mom called today with the craziest news.
“J is making an adoption plan, and she’s offering the baby to you and Andy. It's a girl, and she's being delivered next Thursday, April 14th."
(I know. I KNOW. That is in two days! Crazy town!!)
Oh, the tears. I cried so hard and so loud that my dog fled from the room in fear. The best word to describe it is verklempt. I could barely speak. I managed to get out the words
“I want her so bad."
I called Andy and asked how he felt. When he said, “I’m open to it,” I immediately burst into tears again. I’ve done a lot of crying over the last few months, but nothing compared to how much crying went down that day! The start of this year has been super emotional for me. This summer marks the third anniversary of our son John's death, and the second anniversary of the loss of our daughter Jane. (You can read more about them and my grieving process
.) My heart has been aching for my babies and I've wondered what the future held for us in terms of children.
It feels amazing to be weeping tears of joy.
It turns out Andy already knew about the baby. My parents had the wisdom to share with Andy first so he could pray about it before I found out. (I think everyone knew I would be all in!) He asked me to give him a little bit more time, which was absolute torture.
The next day I woke up smiling. I prayed for Andy to make a decision by the end of the day. Before he left for work he turned to me with a grin and said,
"What are we waiting for? Do you want this baby? Let's have this baby!"
It was the absolute BEST! I imagined the angels in heaven bursting into cheers and songs of praise.
I went back and forth between astonished laughter and fits of happy tears. We kept saying over and over,
“How is this real life? What is happening? We are having a baby in a week!”
I called the birth mother and she was so happy and relieved to hear our answer. J is a friend of my parents and both Andy and I met her last fall when she joined our family for Thanksgiving dinner. Funny enough, I joked with my family that I was going to ask J for her baby! God knew all along. :)
Ever since Jane died I have prayed for God to bring a baby to our doorstep. I begged Him,
"God, make it easy. We don't want to have to go through more pain."
He heard my prayers! I've also been asking for God to restore my ability to hope and to show me His redemptive love through my pain. Through this crazy amazing experience I am learning that God wants us to dream big and pray even bigger!
Andy has been the most wonderful partner through all of this. Our shared grief brought us closer together in a sad but beautiful way. We have experienced seasons of being hermits and seasons of being social, and I'm grateful when I think of how much sweet together time we've enjoyed. (We celebrate eight years of marriage in a few weeks!) Andy has been especially helpful over the past few days as I have been an absolute wreck trying to tie up loose ends and pull things together to prepare for our daughter, who arrives in a matter of days!
Friends, we get to hold our living baby in our arms. (More tears!) God willing, we will leave the hospital with a baby instead of leaving empty-handed. We are in awe of this incredible gift!
What happens now:
Our baby will be delivered Thursday morning in a Virginia hospital. J has graciously invited me to join her in the operating room so that I will be able to hold the baby right away. We will be living in Virginia until the Inter-state compact is signed, which may take a month or two (or longer). We cannot cross state lines with our girl during that time, but we will both be coming up to Frederick here and there for work and getting our home ready. We are working with an attorney and will receive a home study and follow-up visits in the coming weeks.
While I love to share this news and tend to over-share in general, I want to protect J's privacy and our baby's story. We will not be sharing any more information about the birth parents publicly, and may choose not to share it privately, either. If you know J, please do not give her identity away. Thanks! If you're wondering, we are legally allowed to share pictures of our baby, and J has given us her blessing to do so.
A final note: hugs to anyone reading this who is bummed to hear this news via Facebook. These past few days have been a whirlwind — so much to do in so little time!
Your prayers for our hearts have carried us through such a long, dark time. Thank you! God is good and He is faithful always.